I knew it hurt him and he knew it hurt me and neither of us could do a thing about it. We sat on the floor trying to fix each other, all the while knowing there was no way we could. We lay with our legs entwined until finally he said, “I love you, right? God knows I fucking love you. But this isn’t working, is it? We’re breaking each other’s heart and it feels like we’re running on borrowed time.“ And I said nothing because he was right and I hated it. I lay there silently, hating the way everything contradicted itself. I lay there and hated it all.
I know, they say that you regret what you said more than what you didn’t say but God, I could’ve gone my whole life without telling you how I felt, especially after hearing your reply.
I can’t tell you how much I’d love to take back every word I said. You gave me every reason to ignore the lies you fed me then. And I’m so sorry, I must escape before you suffocate me,so I waited patiently as long as I could, fought so hard for someone, that I loved. But who later turned out to be someone I hardly knew.
I am destroying myself so other people can’t,“ she said, ” and it’s the worst kind of control but it’s the only form I know.
I,” she says, “am always stuck. I am always stuck between giving people everything because I am dying to create meaningful relationships, and giving them nothing at all because then if they leave, at least I’ll be left whole.
Being ignored by someone whose attention means the world to you is the worst feeling.